Most young children love to sing and move to music. Many older children still find great enjoyment in music while singing in a choir or learning to play an instrument or curating their personal playlist. For those of us who cannot imagine a life without music, the children who seem to have an aversion to singing and even to music bewilder us. Some children seem to lose their interest in participating in music, and they begin to categorize themselves as “non-musical.” While it is true that not everyone is born to major in music performance, I believe that music is a gift from God to all of humanity. If we believe that the beauty of nature and the warmth of community are God-given delights, I do not think it is a hard reach to classify music in this same way. And just because some fail to bask in the beauty of God’s creation and others shirk association with a community, we should not reason that they are any less gifts to be enjoyed at large. The burden to enjoy a gift falls on the recipient, not the giver. Music is no different, and I believe we should fight for its enjoyment and its abundant use in the lives of our children.
So how do you ignite a love of singing and music in a child who would rather wrestle a jellyfish than stand to sing in a choir? Most of the time, we can do a little detective work to discover the why behind this reluctance. This why usually boils down to one of three reasons: 1.) Confidence, 2.) Practice, or 3.) Distraction.
Let’s take a look at the first reason—Confidence. Somewhere in the past 30 years, singing has become defined as “that which an individual does with a microphone on a stage in front of a large crowd.” Maybe I exaggerated a tad, but if you ask most children about singing, it usually involves either a microphone or an audience. The general idea is that only those “good enough” should hold a microphone and sing a solo; everyone else becomes a spectator or background decor. I believe this thinking has shaken the confidence of would be choir members, and the lack of togetherness in singing has suffered greatly. A child who might have joined the group lacks the confidence to sing from the misinformation that singing belongs to a select few, and this child tragically begins to think of himself as one who does not sing.
The good news is that we can reverse this thinking in our children. Simply asking them to join you in singing affirms them in a powerful way. When you single children out and place value on their participation, you are investing mightily in their confidence. You are also demonstrating that you do not want to sing alone and that their participation enriches your experience. For the children who hold back because of confidence, an invitation could be all it takes to encourage them to sing.
The second reason, practice, actually refers to the customary way a child thinks an activity should be done. I believe the practice of singing can be an obstacle in a child’s participation because he struggles with a preconceived idea of how singing should look. If his expectations are not met, he will fail to join in singing. This can look many different ways. A child might have only been exposed to one style of music, so engaging in a new style might be difficult. Another child might have perfectionistic tendencies, which makes the learning process a difficult practice. Every child is coming from a unique place and will have differing views on how singing should be practiced. Our job is to continue to offer a wide variety of ways for our children to enjoy music and singing.
One encouragement we can give children who seem to be reluctant in the practice of singing is to ask how they would sing the song or how they might change the song. If we show a child we value his input, we are validating his opinion and building trust. We are also helping the child to think critically about the song and why he is having a hard time singing. Instantly, the child has a connection to the song and may just start singing with you.
Lastly, children may be reluctant to sing because of distraction. Quite literally, a child might be completely preoccupied with his thoughts and might not have the mental energy to invest in singing at the time. No need to trouble shoot here because this kind of distraction affects all people from time to time and will correct itself. The type of distraction that habitually keeps a child from singing is the list of to dos that plagues modern society. Children are not different from adults in their propensity to prioritize both the familiar and the valued. If our children are in need of a PA to keep their schedules, they will inevitably be distracted, and only the most important tasks and activities will receive true attention. Singing may rank very high on some children’s lists, but many children might fail to see the point of prioritizing singing and will be very reluctant to join the song.
The truth is that we all have a limited amount of expendable energy, so the way to help a distracted singer to engage is not to add to this list of to dos but rather to incorporate singing into the fibers of life. A parent might do this by making car singing a priority or weave a song into the day’s routine. A choir director can encourage distracted choir members by providing a focused rehearsal time. (Please watch for a coming post on focused rehearsals and my favorite technique of using time chunks.) As a director, you can greatly encourage today’s busy children to invest in the choir by choosing songs that are dense with musicality and content and building your rehearsal time around one thought for the day. The goal for a distracted singer is to get him to make singing a worthy effort that will become a priority.
Reluctant singers may become vibrant singers with consistent encouragement. Every year, I enjoy watching students in children’s choir come alive in their singing. It is worth every bit of effort to diagnose and treat the causes behind the reluctance because of the joy that results from the child’s newfound song. How beautiful to give this lifelong gift of the world of music to a child!
Come Sing Together 